Years ago, when I was young and foolish, I would lend money to friends and relatives. After loaning a sibling $25,000 (he never repaid the debt), I learned the hard way that lending and/or borrowing money is a quick way to ruin a relationship. I got over the $25,000 a long time ago. My sibling decided to be “wrong and strong” and no longer speaks to me. Oh well.
Since that time I’ve become a serious grudge holder. I have a great memory. Borrowed a vase and didn’t return it? I remember. Stepped on my foot on the subway? Unforgiveable. Gave me a bad check? Ugh. A friend of mine gave me a book a while back on forgiveness. A not too subtle hint that I needed to get my soul together. She likened my defiant grudge holding to sticking my hand in boiling water and expecting the other person to get burnt.
St. Paul’s Cathedral, London
A few weeks ago I was bemoaning another “slight” suffered by the hands of someone close to me. I can’t remember what exactly it was about but I’m pretty sure it involved money, property or things. I thought I would get some “support” from my friend, but she offered a different perspective. She acknowledged I had been “wronged” and that it essentially “sucked” but then went on to say that none of these things or money belonged to me. In fact, “my” things belong to God. Her comment, “You’re just his steward in this life.”
Talk about perspective. Now I look at my kids and I think, “They don’t belong to me. They belong to God. I’m just caring for them as I go through the journey of life.”
When folks ask if I own or rent, I often joke that the bank owns the house and I pay rent to them. Now I realize that God owns it. I’m just blessed to live in this house and to care for until it blesses the next family.
I’m working on replacing my sense of entitlement and the endless grudges with an attitude of gratitude. Drop me a line to let me know how you are nurturing your spirit. Enjoy Lent!
Life is a gift from God and what we do with our lives is our gift back to God.
Enjoyed your post!
For me, grudges have been a heavy load to carry as well as being negative–another dark and draining attitude. I’ve resorted to is packing light (I think of Erykay Badu’s song, Bag Lady), smiling, letting go and letting you know. In the past I’d hold everything in and literally get sick, headaches, stomach aches etc by either being a people pleaser or not wanting to upset the atmosphere. Then I’d remember things, events and say never again and stay far away from some folks. I had to find balance. I kept being pulled to extremes and becoming too emotional. You have a great friend. My God conscious mind keeps me focused. I pray continuously, even for my enemies. I ask God to touch their hearts and comfort them. I repeat to myself, I’m God’s child. I’m no fool.
I just know forgiving allows me to grow and keeps me from getting sick. I stay away, though (I need to work on mending relationships).
OCOS – I think I need to repeat that every day when I wake up. Thanks for reading.
Hi Nicole. Thanks for your comment. The issue of forgiveness is huge. In some cases I can put it all behind me but I usually don’t want a relationship with the person again. I’m totally with you on the physical ailments associated with holding a grudge. But in essence you forgive people as a gift to yourself not as a gift to them.