Disclaimer – If you aren’t married to me or the father of my children … feel free to skip this post. Smooches. I’m not always so snarky about Valentine’s Day.
1. A heart shaped pizza. Yeah, I know I love pizza but not that much.
2. A stun gun. I got one already from some nameless jerk I used to date.
3. A “love coupon” promising me a back massage, hot sex or 1,00o passionate kisses. I have a stack of coupons. Lets just do it already.
4. Stuffed animals. I’m a grown a** woman. ‘Nuff said.
5. Please don’t boast about doing household chores. Thanks for doing the laundry – but its not a gift.
6. Balloons. Why? Please see #4.
7. Any flowers purchased at a bodega or sold to you by a guy standing at the intersection of Atlantic and Vanderbilt Avenues.
8. Sports Jerseys. I love my Superbowl champs the NY Giants – but there is a time and place for everything.
9. Any chocolate purchased at an establishment where I can also purchase Rolaids, my blood pressure medicine, toilet paper or play Lotto.
10. CASH! – Hmmm… yes I’m complaining about my bills but getting cash as a gift makes me feel cheap. You’re my honey not my pimp.
I love you Big P… but you have been warned. Okay folks, hollaback and tell me about your worst Valentine’s Day gifts.
Why I skip this holiday altogether. The expectations are just way to high.
Ha! But it gives me a chance to needle the hubs … which is too much fun for me to ignore.
You are getting all of the above. Are you ready for your coffee dear?
Love you sense of humor!
This is hilarious Ann! To piggyback on your # 9, also a big no no is a heart-shaped box of chocolates. My feeling is if you’re going to be that unoriginal, just don’t buy me anything at all.
Glad you are laughing … Big P says I’m making him look bad. Whatever!
You might have just heard me laughing out loud through our common wall. 🙂 But…if he gets you #1 anyway, can I have it?
Hi Ann,
I found your site via “Selfish Mom” on Twitter. Loved your V-Day post…I’m single and still appreciated it. I look forward to reading more.
Mary
Mary – @Selfishmom is my neighbor. I got some of my worst Valentine’s day gifts as a single gal – getting married doesn’t necessarily make that better!
@SelfishMom – Oh every time we drive down 3rd avenue in Park Slope Big P points out the ad for the heart shaped pizza. He keeps telling me “how much I’m going to love it.” I’ve heard that one before!
i know its way after Valentines day .. but you know I like to read your blog and give my support. After someone gets married why do they still want a Valentines day gift- when they have committed to be the love of your life? Yes darling,I’m coming to bed.
I don’t think getting married means you remain “giftless.” A “gift” could be an evening out, taking a walk, or even quiet time at home – but you have to keep “it” interesting. Happy wife = Happy life 🙂