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Ten Things I Don’t Want for Valentine’s Day

February 7th, 2012 · 12 Brilliant Opinions · Random Things That Make Me Smile

Disclaimer – If you aren’t married to me or the father of my children … feel free to skip this post. Smooches. I’m not always so snarky about Valentine’s Day.

1.  A heart shaped pizza. Yeah, I know I love pizza but not that much.

2.  A stun gun. I got one already from some nameless jerk I used to date.

3.  A “love coupon” promising me a back massage, hot sex or 1,00o passionate kisses. I have a stack of coupons. Lets just do it already.

4.  Stuffed animals.  I’m a grown a** woman. ‘Nuff said.

5.  Please don’t boast about doing household chores.  Thanks for doing the laundry – but its not a gift.

6.  Balloons. Why? Please see #4.

7.  Any flowers purchased at a bodega or sold to you by a guy standing at the intersection of Atlantic and Vanderbilt Avenues.

8.  Sports Jerseys.  I love my  Superbowl champs the NY Giants – but there is a time and place for everything.

9.  Any chocolate purchased at an establishment where I  can also purchase Rolaids,  my blood pressure medicine, toilet paper or play Lotto.

10.  CASH!  – Hmmm… yes I’m complaining about my bills but getting cash as a gift makes me feel cheap. You’re my honey not my pimp.

I love  you Big P… but you have been warned.  Okay folks,  hollaback and tell me about your worst Valentine’s Day gifts.



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12 Comments so far ↓

  • Natasha

    Why I skip this holiday altogether. The expectations are just way to high.

  • Ann

    Ha! But it gives me a chance to needle the hubs … which is too much fun for me to ignore.

  • Big P

    You are getting all of the above. Are you ready for your coffee dear?

  • Ann

    Love you sense of humor!

  • Lisa

    This is hilarious Ann! To piggyback on your # 9, also a big no no is a heart-shaped box of chocolates. My feeling is if you’re going to be that unoriginal, just don’t buy me anything at all.

  • Ann

    Glad you are laughing … Big P says I’m making him look bad. Whatever!

  • Selfish Mom

    You might have just heard me laughing out loud through our common wall. 🙂 But…if he gets you #1 anyway, can I have it?

  • Mary

    Hi Ann,

    I found your site via “Selfish Mom” on Twitter. Loved your V-Day post…I’m single and still appreciated it. I look forward to reading more.


  • Ann

    Mary – @Selfishmom is my neighbor. I got some of my worst Valentine’s day gifts as a single gal – getting married doesn’t necessarily make that better!

  • Ann

    @SelfishMom – Oh every time we drive down 3rd avenue in Park Slope Big P points out the ad for the heart shaped pizza. He keeps telling me “how much I’m going to love it.” I’ve heard that one before!

  • Big P

    i know its way after Valentines day .. but you know I like to read your blog and give my support. After someone gets married why do they still want a Valentines day gift- when they have committed to be the love of your life? Yes darling,I’m coming to bed.

  • Ann

    I don’t think getting married means you remain “giftless.” A “gift” could be an evening out, taking a walk, or even quiet time at home – but you have to keep “it” interesting. Happy wife = Happy life 🙂

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